We serve afternoon tea Wednesday to Saturday, midday till five, and I'd guess more than half of those bookings are somebody's occasion. Baby showers mostly. Then birthdays with a nought on the end, christening lunches, retirements, hen parties wanting something civilised before the evening gets underway, and a steady trickle of groups who've decided Thursday deserves better than a sandwich at a desk.It took me a while to work out why it does the job for a group when a proper meal often doesn't, and the answer's just the format.

It's the shape of the meal that does it

A sit down lunch pins people in place. You get the two either side and the one opposite, for two hours, and if there are twelve of you then you'll speak to three of them and go home.

Afternoon tea is more informal. It all arrives at once, it sits in the middle, people help themselves. Nobody's waiting on a course, so you can get up, move, sit somewhere else, come back. At a baby shower where half the room has never met the other half, that's worth more than any amount of bunting. It's shorter, too. Two hours does it, which suits anyone with a school run, and it suits the guest who was never entirely sure about the whole business but will happily give you an afternoon.

About the deposit, before you're surprised by it

Groups of eight or more need a £10 per person deposit. We take card details about a week beforehand, and if a booking's cancelled with under 24 hours' notice, or people simply don't appear, we charge £10 a head. I'd sooner explain that than have it read as mean-spirited. Afternoon tea gets made for the number of people booked, scones baked, sandwiches cut, the china out. When a table of sixteen turns into a table of nine on the day, that food's gone, and we've also turned away another group who wanted the table. One summer we had two large celebration bookings vanish completely without a phone call.The deposit is the thing that keeps us able to take big group bookings and that's genuinely all it is.

What actually turns up

A traditional afternoon tea on vintage mismatched China. £18.95 a head, minimum two people. Sandwiches, scones, cakes, tea. Our full menu is featured on our web site under Eat and Drink.

Served in a 16th century barn with 13 acres of parkland outside it, which is the part that surprises people who've booked off an OpenTable listing and arrived expecting a tearoom. If you want a bit more occasion to it, ask about adding fizz when you book. Most celebration bookings do so we can happily add this on for you at the time of booking.

Send the dietaries. Please.

We need dietary requirements at least 24 hours ahead, and this one isn't box-ticking.

Afternoon tea isn't a menu you order from at the table, it's made in advance. A gluten free guest we know about on Tuesday gets a proper afternoon tea on Thursday. A gluten free guest we discover as she sits down gets an apology and not much else, which is a horrible thing to do to someone at her friend's baby shower, and I've watched it happen when the message didn't reach us. So do the tedious bit. Ask the group in the WhatsApp thread, collect the answers, send them over in one go. Five minutes, and it's the single biggest difference between a smooth afternoon and an awkward one.

Numbers, decorations, cake

From two upwards, though for a celebration the sweet spot's somewhere between eight and thirty guests. For bigger groups, or if you want the space arranged a particular way, ring us rather than wait until you arrive,  there's only so much a booking system can tell us and a short conversation gets you a much better service on the day.

Decorating is fine. Bringing a cake is fine, but tell us when you book, not on the day. We do charge a cake fee but most Afternoon tea’s only want a token cake cutting and don’t actually eat the cake (trust me there is plenty of cake on the table already!) so we will waiver that fee if the cake is not eaten.If the cake's meant to be a surprise, tell us so that we can light the candles and sing happy birthday … our staff love it. On decorations, having watched a lot of it go up: less does more in this room. The building's already doing a great deal of visual work and it doesn't need help. Balloons at the table and something on the chair for the guest of honour looks better than a full takeover, costs less, and you'll be set up in ten minutes instead of forty. Please note that due to the nature of the building we don’t allow anything to be stuck to the walls or hung from the beams.



Come Wednesday or Thursday if you want it calm

Saturdays are busier and have more of a buzz. Some groups want that. Some very much don't, and a baby shower is often in the second category.

For time, I'd book one or two o'clock rather than right on midday. It gives anyone travelling room to arrive without panicking, and it leaves you the rest of the afternoon. Which matters, because the afternoon is the bit people from outside Eltham don't know to plan for. You're in Well Hall Pleasaunce; moat, rose gardens, bridges, 13 acres to wander round. The photographs anybody keeps from a baby shower here are the ones taken outside afterwards, not the ones of the cake stand. So allow yourself plenty of time to enjoy the whole afternoon.

Two practical things before you plan. If you want a space to yourselves, get in touch with your numbers and what you've got in mind, because what's possible depends on the day and the time and it's a conversation rather than a form. And we don't allow dogs on site, which disappoints somebody roughly once a fortnight and is better said here than at the door.

Book through OpenTable with "Afternoon Tea" in the notes, and for eight or more, or anything involving a cake or a surprise just give us a call on 0800 433 2351.